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The ExiZentialist

by MRTVI

/
1.
This is what I was born into, And that is how ill live, this is how I won’t be raised, and that is how its always been, It it as the always say, one mans rubbish, another mans way, of no life no love no leisure no pay, and how we stop but never stay, In one same place for too damn long, paying our dues and singing our songs, Never aware of this great wrong, and how all of our shadows still stand strong, To this way of life how its always been, striving for compromised, never willing to give in, your head held high above the vermin, The yin to the yang of how we all live.
2.
I hear stories of a place ive never been, I walk the streets of a place ive never seen, And I ask them, where am I from, and I ask them, where do I belong, I inherit their memories, I imagine their scenes, and as they tell me of their lives I wonder what this all means, So tell me what does it mean, was it all a dream, tell me, this place ive never been tell me, this place ive never seen, tell me, what does it mean, should I be scared to believe, My ancestors stories, what do they mean, and I ask them sing me your songs, and I beg you sing, before its all gone,
3.
Empathy 05:40
Generations, Aeons, of conceit, the ageless desire of darkness, our soul to defeat, By any system, with every system, it will kill all resistance, smothering the light, amongst ourselves we fight, it keeps us in fear, it keeps us from knowing, that which is our right, Knowledge and empathy are impossible to fake, our redemption is down to us to take, and if in question, are life and love, is our humanity, is humanity at stake, and by illusons of making the slave the master, and by trickery to destroy ourselves, the tools we were given, the tools we think we have to use, to exploit ourselves and each other, Knowledge and empathy are impossible to fake, our redemption is down to us to take, from this dying fire any embers could we save, our humanity, our existence is at stake, And the corpses will rain down from the sky as the earth wilts and dies and with arms aloft, the people will out loud cry, we didnt stop this, we let this happen, WHY?
4.
5.
Children ripped away, adults led astray, Running to their graves, who will be left to save? Dreams for the future, Memories of the past, Visions of a present, That cannot last, Unconscious, we took it for granted, Subconscious, intentions are slanted, Ferocious, self destruction planted, Atrocious, by hatred we are enchanted, This earth it will burn, will swallow us whole, If these tides refuse to turn, These waters will drown us all, And these winds will change, Then nothing will remain, And in the end, Who will be left to save?
6.
Will these opposites ever attract, will their waves interact, will their frequencies cancel out, will their shadows collapse, Is reality just interference, is this really a lack of coherence, where is the frame of mind, in this illusion of space and time, And if the micro and the macro do not exist, then tell me how does this experience persist, in this waking state of mind why do we dismiss the nothing of which we consist, and all that refuses to desist is but an emanation of a dreaming kinesis, And if this is true where am I, and I a prisoner of time am I blind to the light am I capable of sight where is this place what is this space am I going mad am I going crazy, am I insane and if this is true, where am I, am I OUT of my mind?
7.
Yet there are moments of pleasure in the pain, a structured sense of order in the chaos, the briefest sense of euphoria when nothing else remains, but it never lasts too long, a moment of respite in the strain But it never lasts too long, Glimpses of beauty, of peace, of a beauty that holds a melancholy urge, to disappoint the soul, a shallow breath of calm, but it never lasts too long, too quickly a memory, The fleetest feeling, forever leaving, and yet this beauty within it holds, the melancholic urge to disappoint its very soul,
8.
Theres heaven and hell flowing through these veins, a tired soul this body contains, At the tips of these fingers guilt and shame, inward embarrassment the only game, To regret I answer the only name, while around me things change I remain, Yet day by day not quite the same, Only one desire to leave like the rain, Do not worry, never fear, for the path of your life has led you here, Every wish you have, and every desire, is awaiting you within this fire, No harm will come to you, you shall feel no pain, for these flames only incinerate your shame, it may shine bright, and it may glow hot, but this fire will burn away everything, everything, everything that you are not, STEP INTO THE FIRE
9.
Cymatics 03:12
I watch your cymatics, as they dance, drawing pictures in my mind, and like the sands of the desert, and like the clouds in the sky, They warp, they change, vibrating through time, I watch them, I listen, as they whisper to me, youll never know the truth, as its staring back at you, youll never know the truth even when its surrounding you
10.
11.
I will amputate my soul, one emotion at a time, with every cut and every burn im disowning what was mine, so take back this tired body, every bone and lock of hair, youre a fool for ever trusting me, ive let it fall to disrepair, I dont know what you expected, what you thought I might achieve, If only id known it would be like this an endless struggle without reprieve, So for every star up in your heavens, and every grain upon your shores, An eternity awaits me, to your eternity now take me,
12.
13.
14.
Every single part of me is all for you to take, and every single part of me im asking you to break, not another step in this life, not one more can I take, everything I see and everything I am is fake, Hell my friend is being aware, but now I have seen the answer,
15.
Have you ever seen a shadow that did not look perfect that wasnt meant to be, an out of place darkness on which even the smartest of your sense could not agree, Well neither have I and I dont see why ive never noticed this before, It seems to me, that from even a tree a shadow could not ask for more,
16.
Everything I thought I was came crumbling down around me and soon I came to realise that im absolutely nothing Please cut this pain out from me just take what I cant give, the more I grow and see this world the less I want to live, this life it makes no sense to me everything should be reversed, ive backed into a corner this void I cant traverse, every day I grow more tired, solitary and alone, there must be some mistake I fear, this place cannot be my home, yet deep inside I fight myself, this hope I cant let die, for the world refracts in every tear I see dropping from your eyes, so forgive me my shortcomings, my weaknesses and fears, please help me find the energy for that which I hold dear,
17.
18.
Your children are fleeing the nest that you've built, Or rather, neglected, no remorse or guilt, For the tree that once gave comfort and shade, Has now to your children a future forbade, Deluding yourself, imagining fear, Placing the blame anywhere but here, BUT YOU DO NOT CARE Laying fault at the cradle and fault at the grave, The fault of a future forever forbade, For there is only and ever but one voice, For there is only and ever but one choice, BUT YOU DO NOT CARE There are no sinners here, for there are no sins, In a broken people with their empty grins, Scarred by their past, and scarred by their future, Mistaking this nothing for their very nature, Are the leaves on the trees brothers and sisters? Do they hear each other when they whisper? When the wind blows through do they feel moved? And when they sing are their sentiments true? Where are the people who care?
19.
Home 07:28
This house is not a home anymore… Someones pushing me away from here somethings chasing me away from here, nothing! Pulling me to stay I fear, This place holds for me, nothing dear... ...Anymore…
20.
Why can’t we cross the seas of despair, while our trees blow in the breeze of the cool night air, And the stars shine on us while we dine far below them, and ponder the time it took them to climb, To their heights of age and wisdom and freedom while between them, the darkness in which they, Hang draws breath from my lungs and blood from my heart and wonder from my mind, And I question, “why am I here what is my purpose”, do you suppose, or propose that I search, For it, or am I already here, do you hear? Is this fear or confidence, sorrow or happiness, I can’t tell, And nobody wants to share with me their secrets.

about

MRTVI's 5th concept album.

Building on the subjective, expressionist concepts of the previous albums this album sculpts a primary character for the story - The ExiZentialist. This album serves as an autobiography for the author, and as a history and a commentary of the experiences surrounding the characters development, that led him on the dark psychedelic existential journey through the realms of life and death in the previous albums.

Autobiographical in that it more openly and directly explores the mind and emotions I'd been going through several years ago, living in London, when I started MRTVI...

And a commentary of the country I'm from and that I returned to; the tumultuous history and events as I saw and experienced them, and the way they shaped me and the people around me. Experiencing the place of your birth as a foreigner, being able to watch with a sense of detachment, and analyse what could and would have been... how things could or would have been had any one event happened even slightly differently...

Keeping a tight connection with your place of birth despite living on the other side of the continent is difficult. Stepping out of one life and into another, every year, seeing that time does not flow at an equal pace in every place, watching the impact of the technological advances of the 2000s change 2 worlds and eventually bring them together...

This is something that I have never really been able to speak about, it's too abstract and I've never found anyone who can really relate... So I guess the best I could do is music... I hope you enjoy it.

credits

released June 14, 2022

Written and recorded 2018-2020 @THE HOUSE in Serbia
DS all instruments, engineering, mixing
Edward 'The Warlock' Amos - Mastering, Warlock Studios London UK

#1 Underground album of 2022 (Canada)
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Life As A Dream Records London, UK

One man record label. I dedicated my life to music. And I meant it.

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